30. GETTING DOWN WITH DIRTY TALK AND SEXTING
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DIRTY TALK USUALLY GETS A BAD REP. AFTER ALL, SEX ISN’T DIRTY – SO WHY SHOULD TALKING ABOUT IT BE?
On this hilarious episode, Sara chats with her sex-positive friends Kat and James, who are never short on things to say, in the bedroom or otherwise. We talk about the many benefits of dirty talk – from building fantasy, increasing arousal, establishing consent, getting validation and connecting more deeply with one’s partner.
We explore the many different styles – from flirty, naughty, seductive to filthy and degrading – and agree its all in the delivery. We also dish the dirt on our personal best and worst sex talk experiences, which words turn us on or off, and give best practices for sexting.
Learn how to master the art of dirty talk as we come up with ideas for easy phrases for shy beginners, and other must-dos when it comes to the language of sex.
MORE JUICY BITS ON THE SHOW
7:14-9:21 Different “genres” of dirty talk to use with a partner
14:36-22:38 Personal best and worst personal experiences with dirty talk
28:01-29:30 Using dirty talk to check in with your partner and maintain consent
29:45-36:03 Preferences on style of dirty talk
36:23-38:08 Navigating the subjectivity of dirty talk with a new partner
42:18-43:34 How to encourage a shy partner to open up to the idea of dirty talk
44:41-49:58 Top sexting tips and best practices
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
WORDS OF WISDOM
“A lot of people think that dirty talk only happens during the action, where you say something that’s gonna turn the other person on and really get them over the edge. But to me, it’s just more about communicating with someone to understand what it is that they want or what it is that they need; and it’s more than just speaking. It’s listening to your partner. It’s listening, not to their words, but their sounds and their body, and all that to understand where they are, and how to help them get to where they want to go.”
“Yes, dirty talk turns me on; but it’s also good to know when you’re actually doing something correctly because not everyone’s built the same. One thing that works on someone might not work on someone else. So it’s good to know when you’re in that zone or in that groove, whatever that is. It’s like someone saying, ‘Yes, do more of that.’ ‘Yes, that feels good.’ Or just moans or sounds. I’m listening to that and I can keep on going to help them get where they need to be.”
“When it comes to finding out what a new person wants, I just ask. I’m very open with everything. When it comes down to ‘What are your limits?’ ‘What do you like?’ ‘What gets you off?’ To me, that’s just a conversation. It doesn’t even have to necessarily be dirty talk. For me, it’s just getting information about how I can please this person to the best of my ability because it’s what I like.”
“To me, dirty talk never made sense unless it was organic and it just came out naturally; or if it was something that I wanted to say. I mean, if you’re trying to get your partner to talk dirty because it turns you on but it makes them really uncomfortable, then that’s not going to be a great experience for anyone, honestly. So for me, it’s about understanding what their boundaries are, and if it’s something they want to experience. And if they do, just play with it. See what happens.”
“For me, it’s really about what gets the other person off. Because if it’s just me, then I can do that by myself. It’s not certain things for me. It’s really about whatever really gets them going, however they feel at the moment; because if I have to tell someone what to say, that kind of takes it away from me. It’s the fact that they do it; the fact that they mean it; the fact that they’re really into it. If they’re saying something because I want them to say something, that’s not that hot for me.”
OTHER GREAT REFERENCES YOU'LL LOVE
Dirty Talk: The Ultimate Guide For Beginners — A comprehensive guide to dirty talk, with countless examples for different scenarios!
Let’s talk sex: The science of your brain on dirty talk — Different words and phrases impact different people differently. Learn the hard facts behind arousal via wordplay and how you can master the language of sex!
‘Talk dirty to me’: what men and women like to hear in bed — Real life examples of what men and women of various backgrounds like to hear in bed!
Quiz: What’s Your Intimacy Language? - This fun quiz will help identify what style of communicator you are, and give you the tools to create more intimate, pleasurable connections.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
What’s your personal style of dirty talk or sex talk? Leave us a comment below—we'd love to know!