37. CASUAL SEX AND DICK PICS
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AFTER A YEAR OF LOCKDOWNS, WHAT’S BEING CALLED THE “SUMMER OF LOVE” IS UPON US – WHEREIN PEOPLE ARE KEEN TO RELEASE THEIR PENT UP SEXUAL ENERGY.
So on this Sex FAQs episode, Sara chats with relationship coach and clinical hypnotherapist, Valentina Tudose about all things casual…casual sex that is!
Together we tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners on the following topics:
- how to transition from a long term relationship to casual sex
- changing our mindsets about finding the right person
- what to do about “catches feelings” in a casual situation
- overcoming society’s judgment about casual sex
- the motivation behind unsolicited dick pics, and if its ever ok
We also talk about the benefits of casual sex and dating, and give some tips on how to enjoy it while staying true to yourself. If you’re single or casually dating, this episode is one you won’t want to miss.
More Juicy Bits on the Show
3:40 - 5:40 Transitioning from a long-term relationship to casual sex.
6:04 – 8:01 The definition of casual sex
9:07 - 10:17 Benefits of casual sex
11:55 – 14:35 Tips for enjoying casual sex
21:50 – 23:20 Why clarity is important while dating
25:00 - 28:15 - Changing our mindsets about finding the right person
32:18 - 33:48 - Why slowing things down in dating can be helpful
37:14 - 39:21 - What to do if someone “catches feelings”
50:10 – 55:39 - Is it ever ok to send a dick pic? Do’s and Don’ts
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
Tips for Making Casual Sex Work For You
Know your ‘why’ behind casual sex: Whether it’s variety, independence, fun, self-exploration etc, knowing why you want casual sex is the first step to attracting people who are aligned to your vision.
Respect yourself & Your Partners: Be honest with your partners about why you’re pursuing a casual relationship with them and treat them with compassion and kindness. Don’t ghost.
Communicate Clearly: Be as explicit as possible when discussing your boundaries, expectations, and potential triggers, so everyone is on the same page. Mixed messages lead to heartache.
Put Your Mental Health First: If you’re prone to getting emotionally attached after casual sex, and you start feeling used, depressed, anxious etc. then honestly assess the situation and make mental health the priority.
Keep it Light & Fun: Understand what’s appropriate to the situation, and behave accordingly. Don’t get possessive. Don’t stalk them religiously. Don’t over-share. And don’t make things weird.
Be Safe & Be Prepared: There’s more to casual sex preparation than just carrying condoms. Having lubricant and massage oil handy are a nice extra touch, as well as clean sheets to make your space inviting.
Words of Wisdom
“When you have single sex with somebody you may not know that well, you have the excitement, and the dopamine, and the uncertainty, the passion, and the adventure. You get to try so many different styles of sex with so many different people. And I think, ultimately, that experience is also very valuable because it helps you to understand who you are as a sexual being, what you like, and how sexually compatible you are with somebody.”
“I believe that relationships, any relationships, are ‘people growing machines’. Every person that you meet, even a casual lover that you see two or three times, or ten times can teach you something really valuable about yourself. In bed and outside of the bedroom.”
“Great connection comes from intimacy, intimacy comes from vulnerability, and surrender, and sharing failures and things we’re not so proud of. And if you’re just going to be there pretending that you’re the most amazing person on earth and you never fail and you’re never hurt, and that you’re perfect in every way, then you’re not going to be able to create that connection.”
“To me, dirty talk never made sense unless it was organic and it just came out naturally; or if it was something that I wanted to say. I mean, if you’re trying to get your partner to talk dirty because it turns you on but it makes them really uncomfortable, then that’s not going to be a great experience for anyone, honestly. So for me, it’s about understanding what their boundaries are, and if it’s something they want to experience. And if they do, just play with it. See what happens.”
“Look at what every single day of this relationship is teaching you. It’s not about whether you’re going to be married for the next 40 years with this person, that is an expectation that will cause you a lot of pain in your life because who knows if that’s possible.”
Other Great References You’ll Love
Lovelifetoys.com — Our sponsor Ohmibod offers pleasure products that sync their vibrations to your favourite sounds. Use code SARA10 at checkout for 10% off your order of Ohmibod products until Aug 31st, 2021.
Is Casual Sex Bad For You? - A Ted Talk by sex researcher Dr. Zhana Vrangalova discussing how casual sex has been portrayed as a societal sin.
Casualsexproject.com — A collaborative effort to share true stories of casual sex experiences or hookups of all kinds.
What does Casual Dating Really Mean? – This article will explain the various terms and expectations for casual dating that you may come across.
What is the impact of casual sex on mental health? Learning to evaluate the impact that casual sex may have on your mental health and how to decide if it’s right for you.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
What benefits have you gained from having casual sex? Leave us a comment below - we'd love to know!