53. HOW TO ENJOY PORN ETHICALLY AND RESPONSIBLY
PORN IS COMMONLY USED TO ACCOMPANY MASTURBATION. SO HOW CAN YOU ENJOY PORN ETHICALLY, SO THERE’S MORE OF THE PLEASURE AND LESS OF THE GUILT?
On this episode, Sara chats with erotic filmmaker Paulita Pappel (www.paulitapappel.com) on what constitutes “ethical porn” and how to consume it in a healthy and responsible way.
As someone who has been both in front and behind the camera, Paulita shares her journey into erotic filmmaking and how she defines her role as a feminist in the industry.
She shares her personal motivations around starting Lustery, a shame-free space for people to share home-made videos of their love and lust with the world.
We also discuss the changing conversation around porn, which is becoming more nuanced and take some time to challenge some commonly held stereotypes.
We wrap up the conversation with some practical tips on being an ethical porn consumer and setting aside the performative mindset around sex.
Instead of porn being a topic fueled by stigma, this conversation with Paulita relooks at porn as a genre of entertainment and a way to understand our sexuality, when used responsibly.
So if you want to develop better porn habits or explore new fantasies, this episode will give you the tools to make the most informed choices in terms of what you consume.
JUICY BITS ON THE SHOW
07:14 - 09:45 - On the Berlin Porn Film Festival
09:54 - 16:15 - The changing conversation around porn
17:16 - 24:48 - Paulita’s personal journey in the porn industry
24:48 - 28:40 - Origins of Lustery
28:40 - 31:09 - Key learnings and observations on human sexuality
31:09 - 41:01 - Defining the standards around ethical porn
41:01 - 49:27 - How to be an ethical porn consumer
50:59 - 57:50 - Porn as sex education vs. entertainment
57:51 - 1:02:19 - Can porn be addictive?
1:02:19 - 1:05:46 - Tips for making homemade porn
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
TIPS FOR ENJOYING PORN ETHICALLY
Pay for Your Porn. Either at a trusted platform or directly to performers. Paying enables porn to be made at higher standards and performers to be paid fairly.
Do Your Research. Search a platform’s website for information around performer compensation and other production policies that involve consent.
Use Porn for Entertainment. Avoid using porn as sex education, and confusing what’s captured on camera with what goes on in real life. Use it as a tool for arousal, fantasy and discovery.
Search for Alternatives. Mainstream porn often has a male-dominated outlook. So search for alternatives that align with your values and your perspectives on sex.
Be Mindful of Your Habits. If you feel like you’ve been spending too much time watching porn, take a break and focus your attention on other pursuits instead. Then re-evaluate your habits.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE EPISODE
“Ten years back, for example, with my first film, I shot in 2008. So yeah, I could do the math, but definitely more than 10 years, back then every conversation that I would have, for example, with a journalist, they would be like, ‘Why is porn bad? And why is that that you're doing different?’ And I'll say, it's a very simplified approach. And the whole discussion around porn was like, ‘porn is bad.’ generally, full stop. And now what I'm seeing is, specifically in the media, way more journalists are better informed.”
“At the end of the day, what I think is porn is just a film genre. But instead of being treated as such, it's being treated as something different, as something that has to be under the counter of the margins of society. And that makes it just really, really hard, especially for independent, small, alternative production companies to actually put our product out there and that people can reach it.”
“I grew up thinking that porn was a tool of the patriarchy to exploit women. So, I believed in all of these negative porn myths that are around. So, for me, meeting these folks and understanding like, ‘oh, wait, I can be a feminist and do porn.’ There's nothing inherently wrong with porn, per se. It was a game-changer for me. It really changed my life and the way I thought about so many things like porn, obviously, but also sex and everything.”
“There's a super simple rule to be an ethical porn consumer and that is pay for your porn. It’s as simple as that. As long as you're paying, when I say paying, I mean on a dedicated platform. Certain platforms where there's pirated porn, where you can pay for pirated porn, those I would exclude. That's not ethical.”
“The other thing that is also really important is talking to your partner about sex. Because going back to what we said earlier about, don't just use porn as the only point of reference. Your partner is also there right in front of you in real life. Asking them what they want and what they like should also be a point of reference for you.”
“Bringing your porn practice or your porn consumption or your porn watching, just make it aligned with the rest of your life and not seeing it as something different that is dangerous or whatever. It’s just the same way that you should be checking how much time you spent on social media and how much you’ve been watching Netflix or just doing stuff that might be stopping you from doing other things that would be better for your life like, maybe, meeting a friend or doing sports? Find whatever it is that works for you. Integrate porn into your life and just make a conscious decision of being aware of the impact it has.”
OTHER GREAT REFERENCES YOU’LL LOVE
Berlin Porn Film Festival - This is an excellent source for sex-positive films.
Lustery - A platform of homemade porn submitted and shared by real-life amateur couples.
‘How to Watch Porn,’ - Lustery’s free online course consisting of twelve video lessons on sexual fantasies, desire, porn myths, habits and much more.
Good Porn: A Woman's Guide - Filmmaker and author Erika Lust writes about the porn industry and how it can be more accessible to women.
The Porn Conversation - A non-profit project that offers free and easily accessible tools for families and educators to talk to young people about sex - beginning with the topic of porn literacy.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
What are you doing to be a more ethical and responsible porn consumer? We'd love to know!