Curvy & Confident: A Guide to Plus Size Sex

BY NATALIE SOMMER, RELATIONSHIP AND INTIMACY COACH

ARE YOU HOLDING BACK FROM FULLY CLAIMING YOUR SEXUALITY BECAUSE OF YOUR BODY SIZE?

If you’re saying yes, then let me ask you: Would you like to feel more empowered as a curvaceous woman in the bedroom? If you’re nodding your head, I want you to know that you’re not alone and there are some simple steps you can take to help you feel empowered inside and outside the bedroom.

You can start by taking the fun quiz below.

I would also like to share some facts with you:

Did you know that scientific research shows that men are genetically wired to be attracted to a woman’s curvy body? Generally, guys love an hourglass figure, and they also prefer women to have a bigger hip size then themselves.

Men are also stimulated visually by nature. Seeing a woman with larger breasts, hips and butt naturally triggers an instinctual attraction to be intimate with her and to procreate. See where I’m going with this…?

Seriously, what’s not to love about a curvaceous woman’s body! A curvaceous body is beautiful, feminine and sexy. So, trust me when I say; be proud of what you’ve got.

Don’t hide your body and certainly don’t hide under the covers during sex. Your lover will want to see all of you!

If knowing this is not enough, just think of history and art, and how that’s portraying the beauty and sensuality of curvaceous women.

If that’s not proof enough, just think of Kim Kardashian and J Lo, how their booties made them famous… I say, own it girl, they certainly do! I also get it, living in a world that’s driven on superficial things like looks, perfection and being a size 6 can be hard.

But really, what is beauty?! It’s all relative, and we’re all attracted to different types of people. Luckily, in the past few years, body positivity has gained more awareness. As long as you feel good about yourself, that’s really all that matters.

An important reminder, we’re all born as sexual beings, it’s something inside of us that we can all access. Here’s how:

Self-acceptance and standards

I understand that self-love really is a life long journey and I believe self-acceptance is the place to start. Come to terms with the way your body is shaped and accept it for what it is.

You might feel nervous about showing off your goddess body to your current partner or a new lover, especially if you’re feeling self-conscious. Your jiggly hips, soft belly, full breasts and dimpled thighs are all a part of you, and they are beautiful and sexy.

I truly believe, they should be unleashed in all their glory during sex! I have no doubt your partner would agree full heartedly with me here.

Also, try to remember that your lover is showing up in the bedroom because he desires you and he wants to be close to you. Don’t ever put yourself down into not being attractive enough! If, for any reason you ever get the sense that your lover is making you feel uncomfortable or is disrespectful, they don’t deserve to have sex with you.

Find someone that will make you feel special and cared for, and certainly don’t waste your time with someone that doesn’t see you as the beautiful person that you are. Sex and intimacy are all about those feel good chemicals! I’m just sayin’…

Get comfortable in the bedroom

Your sex life is most likely a lot different to what you see on screen in the movies, which usually is portrayed as being passionate and visually effortless. Sex in real life can sometimes be awkward.

It really is all trial and error! It might mean getting creative and navigating larger parts of your body. Be sure to be comfortable in your positions, which might need some extra support with pillows or simply adjust some things around you.

You can also look into getting some accessories, or some lingerie to help you feel empowered and more comfortable. Certainly, don’t be afraid to lift some skin to help you get into position.

And remember, your lover is there to give you pleasure. Try to be open to receiving and don’t let fear get in the way.

Discover your desires

It truly helps to be honest with your partner about the way you feel in the bedroom and what you desire! I know, we rarely talk about what we like in the bedroom, and we expect our partner just to know.

It’s time to put your big girl pants on, and get honest and raw by sharing what you like. Before you have the conversation with your lover, ask yourself first:

What are my fantasies? What makes me feel good? What do I want more of, and what less?

If you don’t have all the answers, that’s completely fine. I have a quiz for you that will help you determine the way how you are erotically wired, this will help you to give some great insights you would have not thought of before.

Once you have clarity and know the answers it will help you to communicate your desires with more ease.

Just as important as it is to be able to express your sexual desires, to let your lover know what you feel shy about, what makes you feel uncomfortable, or maybe there are certain body parts you don’t like having touched.

I can’t emphasize enough; how important it is to express all of this. Sex really is a holistic approach. The more you know about each other, what you both desire and don’t like, the more open, passionate and connected sex you’ll have.

Also, try not to take sex too seriously and don’t strive for perfection. If something fails or gets a bit awkward, shrug it off and carry on, wink wink.

GREAT SEX POSITIONS FOR CURVY LADIES  

Let’s get to the juicy part and talk about sex positions! It’s great to change things up in the bedroom and to try out some different positions that will be pleasurable to the both of you.  

Spooning sex:

Is an excellent position, as you can both relax and lie down next to each other. Just jiggle your hips when lying on your side, and your lover can slide in from behind you.

If you need extra support you can also lift your leg, either bent at the knee or pointed toward the ceiling, it will help for easier access. I also like this position, as your lover can hug from behind as you make love, which will leave you feel cared for and nurtured.

If you desire more pleasure, you can also give yourself a helping hand and self-pleasure. It really is a win-win position for everyone!

Doggy style:

Doggy isn’t everyone’s favorite, especially to the people that seek a deep emotional connection during sex. But it can be very pleasurable for both people! It will give your partner a great view of that curvy butt of yours, which is a great way for you to be confident and to embrace your curves.

Not to mention, the G Spot stimulation that you will be receiving. If that’s not pleasurable, enough you can also use your hands or bring in a little sex toy to help along.

I personally like the We-Vibe Anniversary Collection, which you can get at Sally’s Toy in Hong Kong. It really is a great toy for you and your partner. If your partner is not into vibration, I recommend The Zumio Clitoral Stimulator which is every girls must have toy.

Laid-Back Reverse:

I know this sounds complicated, but it really isn’t. You are on top reversed as your partner is lying flat on his back.

You just lean back and use your elbows and arms to support your back. You can also put a pillow under your partner’s’ butt to help elevate him. He can pleasure you at the same time as you ride him.

Sounds hot, right?! There are so many positions you can try and play with. Most important is, that you feel comfortable and get enjoyment out of it.  

As you can see, there are many things you can do to enjoy your time in the bedroom. Our bodies have amazing capabilities to give, and receive pleasure, and no matter what your size is, you deserve to enjoy that pleasure.

By openly discussing your needs, embracing your body and choosing the right partner you can experience some epic and satisfying sex. You are a goddess whatever body size you are, and you are allowed to have all the unapologetic and juicy sex you want!

Nathalie Sommer is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach who works with singles and couples to create healthy and intimate relationships so they can feel confident and empowered in and out of bed. Find out more about her intimacy work at www.nathaliesommer.com.

(Article first published in Sassy Hong Kong)