5 Ways to Last Longer in Bed

Sex feels good so we all want it to last for as long as it can. And for penis owners particularly, losing one’s erection or coming too quickly can result in a lot of disappointment.

However, lasting longer in bed doesn’t mean that every session needs to be a marathon. And longer sex doesn’t mean its more enjoyable. In fact, depending on the context and the relationship, your partner may not desire sex that lasts as long as you think. So it’s always best to ask them. 

According to a survey done by The Journal of Sexual Medicine, the average sex session (not including foreplay) lasts anywhere from three to seven minutes. However, when asked, respondents said that seven to thirteen minutes would be considered a desirable time.

However, since studies show that many heterosexual women take an average of 13.41 minutes to climax. If that is something that you wish to happen during sex, consider reading these helpful tips to help you last longer and get better in bed. 

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1. Live a Healthy Lifestyle

Experiencing premature ejaculation is a common concern for men, and can happen at any age. Often it is due to combination of psychological, biological and lifestyle factors. 

Adopting a healthy lifestyle is likely to improve your sexual function. As the better your overall health, the better your sexual health. 

Studies show that physical factors such as obesity, smoking and substance abuse, and mental factors, such as a stress, anxiety and depression can harm sexual function.

Many penis owners think that substances such as alcohol act as a desensitizer and prevent coming too quickly. And a couple of drinks may be seen to increase libido and reduce inhibitions. 

However, long term heavy drinking, or even a night of overindulgence, can lead to problems with performance, including premature ejaculation. 

Instead of relying on alcohol, a healthier alternative would be to engage in mindfulness. Slow down, take deeper breaths and tune into the sensations one’s feeling in the moment so as to achieve more ejaculatory control. 

2. Try Edging

Edging is essentially a practice of engaging in sexual stimulation to the cusp of ejaculation or orgasm, before stopping the stimulation and starting again. 

One advantage of edging is that you will often have a more powerful orgasm as the buildup can make things more intense. However, it can also be used as a way to last longer in bed. 

With practice, edging can help you gain more control over your body as you get used to delaying your orgasm. It’s recommended to try these techniques at least a few times as part of your regular masturbation practice before enlisting the help of a partner. 

• Squeezing - Right before coming, stop any thrusting or rubbing. Then quickly squeeze the end of your penis firmly right where the shaft and head meet. Only resume sexual stimulation after arousal has fallen to below pre-climax levels.  

• Start-Stop Technique- This technique is simply to stop stimulation prior to ejaculation, and pause for a few minutes. If you’re masturbating, then this could mean being completely hands-off. Or if it’s during intercourse, then doing a withdrawal or just staying completely still. Sometimes stopping once is all you need, or you might have to do it several times, in order to build up to a powerful climax.

• Kegels- The stronger the pelvic floor, the easier it is to control your orgasm. Once you find your pelvic floor muscles, contract them for 3 seconds, and then relax for 3 seconds. Do at least 3 sets of 10 reps per day, and you should see progress. When you are edging, try contracting your pelvic floor muscles and holding them flexed for a couple of seconds until the arousal wanes. 

3. Take the Pressure Off

If you’re having performance anxiety about the thought of orgasming too early, chances are, it probably will happen. Why? 

Because essentially, you are manifesting it into existence. The pressure you put on yourself to hold off on coming can actually have the opposite effect.

Whether you lack confidence in the bedroom due to previous bad experiences, or are constantly overthinking about whether the sex is going to last long enough, performance anxiety is a very real thing. 

And relaxing your mind and body before sex can sometimes be more challenging than it appears. 

The best way for you to overcome your performance anxiety is to identify the root of the cause - such as if it’s tied to stress at work, body image or relationship concerns, and then work on finding a solution. 

4. Focus on Your Partner’s Pleasure 

Instead of constantly over-thinking and doubting your own performance, try focusing on your partner’s pleasure instead. And don’t just focus on giving pleasure only with your penis, be creative with using your hands, mouth and toys. 

Particularly, focus on extending foreplay with your partner and make it the main event. This helps to prolong the sexual experience and removes some of the pressure on your performance. It’s a win-win situation for all involved.

As your focus shifts to your partner, so does the direction of your thoughts and the intense reactions of your body. Instead of being overwhelmed with stimulation, you will be able to relax a little as you focus on bringing your partner pleasure.

Focusing on your partner is also great to incorporate in combination with the stop-start and squeeze technique during sex mentioned above. When you are pausing and waiting for your arousal levels to fall, your partner can still enjoy continuous stimulation. 

5. Talk to an Expert

Concerns like premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction can often have many causes. Instead of trying to self-diagnose or treat yourself, consider talking to an expert like a sex coach.

A sexologist or a sex coach can help you to set realistic expectations for your sex life, build new skills for pleasure and communicate more openly about your concerns.

Talking to a doctor can also help, but doctors usually only prescribe drugs when other treatments have failed. 

If the premature ejaculation stems from a medical issue like erectile dysfunction, a medication like Cialis can help. Since these drugs reduce the refractory period, a penis owner may have a second erection soon after they ejaculate and intercourse can continue.

Hopefully, this article gives you some ideas on how to help yourself not only last longer in bed but increase your sexual confidence!

If you need more support and guidance, find out more about sex coaching sessions here. Or check out other blog posts such as 5 Ways to Have More Intense Orgasms and How to Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety for further inspiration.