How to Release an Ex-Lover from Your Life for Good
BY NATALIE SOMMER, RELATIONSHIP AND INTIMACY COACH
Struggling to get over an ex? This article will guide you on how to clear them out of your system for good.
You’ve done all the usual post-break up procedures – deleting their number, defriending them on Facebook, and physically ridding yourself of all the reminders and mementos of your relationship.
Yet, no matter how much time passes, he or she keeps swirling around your head, keeping you wondering “what if?” You still can’t help but obsess over the moments you shared, the way they talked and looked at you, their smell, the way they kissed you.
And let’s not even talk about the passion in the bedroom. Yes, I know I’ve been there too! What gives?
Here’s the thing, it takes a lot more than just cutting contact to truly get over an ex. You really have to go way deeper than that. Read on to find out how.
Be Honest with Yourself
It’s easy to look back on the past and romanticize all the wonderful moments spent together.
While there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s important to balance this with honesty by removing those rose-tinted glasses to see the truth of the situation.
The best way to do this is by asking yourself some deeper questions. How did you really feel during your time together?
What were the things you were missing? What emotions kept arising that didn’t feel comfortable? Was it really all sunshine and rainbows when you were together?
Be real with yourself and look at the good and bad experiences. By being honest about the imperfections and perfections that were there, you may realize that, in truth, a lot of things were missing.
This acknowledgement can help you to move on.
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
Closure
Finding closure is easier said than done, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible! First and foremost, it’s important to understand that the process of moving on is very much personal.
To start, begin by assessing what lessons you learnt from being in this relationship. What did you discover about yourself?
And what can you take from this experience and do differently next time? Remember, every relationship we have allows us to learn something new about ourselves.
Once you’ve got some clearer answers, the next step is to thank yourself and that person for the experience and, most importantly, forgive. I know it’s not always easy, but this is key!
Close your eyes and visualize the person standing in front of you, and start having a dialogue with them in your mind. Tell them how you forgive them for the hurts and upsets. Once you’ve done that, it’s important that you forgive yourself too.
This may be for either creating hurt in the other person, or maybe you want to forgive yourself for not letting go sooner. Then, let them go.
Visualize how you’re now clearing them out of your life and heart, wiping away the imprint they left on your body and emotions.
Once you’ve finished the visualization, go and do something nice for yourself. Well done, you deserve some self-care!
Moving Forward
Next comes the exciting part: looking ahead to the future! Before diving headfirst into something new, it’s worth pausing to reset your values.
Consider how you want to feel in your next relationship. What do you want that relationship to look like? What personality traits in a partner are important to you? What do you want your sex life to be like? And how would you like to sexually express yourself?
If you’re not exactly sure how you’re sexually wired, take this erotic blueprint quiz. It’s important to know so you can easily express your wants and desires.
A great way to get crystal clear with yourself about what you’d like from your next relationship is to write it all down. Remember, relationships are like a mirror to yourself.
They present an opportunity to look deep into yourself, to evolve, heal and grow, so don’t feel pressured to settle into something you’re not sure of just for the sake of it.
Nathalie Sommer is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach who works with singles and couples to create healthy and intimate relationships so they can feel confident and empowered in and out of bed. Find out more about her intimacy work at www.nathaliesommer.com.
(Article first published in Sassy Hong Kong)