28. EVERYTHING I WISHED I LEARNED IN SEX ED
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WHAT WERE YOU TAUGHT IN SEX-ED CLASS, AND WHAT DO YOU WISH YOU HAD LEARNED? OFTEN THERE’S A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO!
Sara and guests Jules Hannaford, teacher and host of the Hong Kong Confidential podcast and comedian Elena Gabrielle of Story Party, talk about the sex education we received, which was shrouded in fear, abstinence and shame.
We share our early sexual experiences, and reflect on what we wished we’d known about STI’s, consent and responsibility at that time.
We also talk about how we learned about sex and intercourse from a biological standpoint, but there never seemed to be enough focus on the social and practical aspects of sexual relationships.
Jules gives some guidance for parents on how to speak to their children about sex from a young age and encourage a healthy sexuality. We conclude that sex education shouldn’t just start and end in school, it can be an ongoing journey of learning for adults too.
MORE JUICY BITS ON THE SHOW
5:10-18:39 Sara, Elena and Jules’ recall their sex education growing up
27:22-31:05 Reflections on early sexual experiences
31:05-32:50 The importance of consent and responsibility
35:10-35:56 How Jules teaches responsible condom use to her students
42:24-45:10 Standing up for yourself in potentially abusive sexual situations
47:20-50:44 What Elena learned from her earliest sexual relationships
54:02-58:02 The problem with porn and the benefits of a detox
1:01:34-1:05:33 How you can carry on learning about sex beyond sex-ed at school
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WORDS OF WISDOM
“When you’re not taught about consent, we learn stuff from movies instead where we see these men who take charge and women who just go along with it. I think that’s the reason for a lot of the stories we hear around the world, especially when we’re in university towns, where there’s a lot of gray areas. We need to learn more about consent and about relationships and about talking to each other—being open, honest, and truthful.”
“Talking about consent is really important; but talking about responsible drinking and drug use is just as important. This is where lines are getting blurred. Kids not only need to know about consent; they also need to learn about self-respect, taking care of themselves, and not getting so smashed that they’re legless, vulnerable, can’t walk, and then can’t remember. Not that that’s an invitation for sex, but they’re just more vulnerable.”
“As a woman, you can say what you want and not be ashamed to do so. Men need to understand that there are so many times when women don’t feel comfortable. I’ve been in situations where I was scared and didn’t know how to get out of it. Men usually have no concept of how women might be feeling in those situations when we’re literally letting someone inside of us. It’s a big thing.”
“Make it clear to girls that you can say ‘no’ at any time. We’ve got to talk about feelings, relationships, boundaries, what’s acceptable, what’s right for you, and making sure that you communicate that. Consent is ongoing. Just because you had a cup of tea one day doesn’t mean you want a cup of tea another day.”
“I think, when it comes to parenting, sex education stems right from a very young age. Calling everything by the right name—penis, vagina, breasts—using the correct language and letting the children know that it’s fine to talk about these things, normalizing it a bit. Even talking about consent for touching young children: teaching your kids that they don’t have to give a kiss to every auntie or grandparent or whatever, and that they don’t have to be touched by other people—other adults—if they don’t want to be.”
OTHER GREAT REFERENCES YOU'LL LOVE
Story Party Tour — True dating stories featuring our guest, Elena.
Fool Me Twice: Confessions of a Perpetual Internet Dating Neophyte – Jules Hannaford’s book (and podcast) on Internet scams and dating
Hannah Witton — A popular YouTuber who regularly uploads videos on sex and relationships. Great sex-ed resource for teenagers.
The Practical Guide to Love, Sex and Relationships — A teaching resource from the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, La Trobe University. Funded by the Australian Government.
Sex Education Australia — Another teaching resource for parents and teachers.
KidsHealth — A great resource with a focus on puberty, getting to know your body, and everything else that leads up to sex.
Real Talk — A sex-ed Q&A app for teenagers
Netflix’s Sex Education — A UK-based TV documentary covering a variety of sex ed topics.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
What do you know now that you wish you learned in sex ed? Leave us a comment below—we'd love to know!