48. HOW DO I BUILD MY SEXUAL CONFIDENCE?
WHAT HELPS YOU BUILD SEXUAL CONFIDENCE? SEX IS A VULNERABLE ACT, AND FEAR AND SELF-DOUBT CAN OFTEN ARISE IN SITUATIONS WHERE THINGS DON’T GO ACCORDING TO OUR EXPECTATIONS.
On this thoughtful FAQ episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After answer your most pressing questions around building sexual confidence. Topics on this episode include:
How do I feel sexy in my body after a double mastectomy for breast cancer?
How can I stop being anxious about my small penis size?
I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationships that sex with my partner usually stops after 1-2 months of dating. How can I overcome feeling undesirable?
I suffer from vaginismus and have low sexual confidence. How can I stop worrying that my partner isn’t getting the intimacy he craves?
How can I be more confident around initiating sex?
Throughout the episode, we offer countless tips on how to make the shift from performative sex to pleasurable sex. Anyone can be sexually confident, but it does take practice, care and patience.
At its core, sexual confidence is about feeling comfortable in your body, knowing you deserve pleasure and being able to articulate what you enjoy.
Learning to accept and be grateful for our bodies as “good bodies” can make a huge impact on our perception of any sexual situation, and help to boost our sexual confidence.
Identifying our desires (and fears) and then discussing them openly with our partners can also help to prevent our negative self-talk from taking over in the moment.
Sex is as much of a mental activity, as a physical activity. So start building your sexual confidence by tuning into this episode!
More Juicy Bits on the Show
3:58-12:38 - Building body confidence after breast cancer surgery
12:40-18:18 – Focusing on pleasure not penis size
18:20-24:18 – Clarifying assumptions around desire in a relationship
24:19-33:47 - Managing pain during sexual intercourse
33:50-43:33 - Tips for initiating sex with greater confidence
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Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
Tips on Building Your Sexual Confidence
Self-Acceptance & Self-Love. This starts with appreciating your body for what it can do and giving yourself permission to feel sexual.
Question Your Assumptions. Stay curious and don’t assume things about your sex life until you’ve had a conversation with your partner.
Know Your Sexual Needs. Taking the time to find out what you enjoy, and what you desire is the foundation for sexual confidence.
Communicate Your Desires. Learn to be clear and honest with your partner, asking for what you want and checking in regularly.
Pleasure Not Performance. Make the shift from performative sex towards pleasurable sexual experiences by expanding the possibilities for intimacy beyond intercourse.
Seek out a Sex Coach. Working with a sex coach can help you to learn new ways of exploring your sexuality, understand your needs better and build sexual confidence.
Words of Wisdom from this Episode
“It’s hard to accept that you’ve lost such a significant part of what made you a woman. But one of the beautiful ways to look at it is to be grateful for your body for going through this experience and being strong again. Gratitude is an important part of feeling good about yourself.”
“You have a tongue and you have ten fingers. And that will make you an amazing lover if you use those parts of your body in magical ways. And you can a magical tongue and magical fingers and no woman will tell you that they are dissatisfied.”
“Very often we choose a partner for a committed relationship for reasons that often have less to do with the bedroom and chemistry and more to do with compatibility. We’re looking for stability, safety, a partner who can be there for us, be our best friend, reliable and so on, and in that respect, compatibility trumps chemistry.”
“Pleasure is more about the journey than the destination. So being together, having an intimate connection and giving each other pleasure through many different ways, such as kissing, touching, masturbating each other, without insertion of anything into the vagina, all of this can create very positive, pleasurable experiences.”
“Every time we want to do something, and we can’t, it’s because there is a level of fear. Fear is always the biological mechanism that stops us from feeling comfortable. It makes us take time to retreat, run back or freeze in a certain moment. So, try to change this reaction to leaning in towards the experience and taking on a new role in the situation.
Other Great References You’ll Love
Promescent - A sexual health company that makes a signature delay spray clinically proven to help men last longer in bed.
Happy ever After — Relationship coach and cohost on this episode, Valentine Tudose guiding you to be empowered in your relationship and sex
Sexual Chemistry Isn’t Built In Bed — Tips for building sexual chemistry with your partner outside of the bedroom to enhance your bedroom experiences.
How to feel sexually confident, especially if you're struggling with body image - Tips for understanding sexual confidence, your desires, boundaries, and learning to express them to your partner.
Sexual Self-Esteem: A Short Course – 4 steps to building your sexual confidence and where some of your insecurities may be coming from.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
What helps you build sexual confidence?