51. SEX FAQS – HOW DO I GET MY LIBIDO BACK?
HOW DO I GET MY LIBIDO BACK?
From antidepressants, to trying to conceive and having kids, Sara invites clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Kristin Zeising (https://drzeising.com/) on this Sex FAQs episode to tackle the different real-life situations that could cause one’s libido to do a disappearing act.
We answer the following questions:
“Sex is often over in seconds with my husband. But we ignored these issues because we were great friends. Now I just feel nothing towards him sexually. What should I do?”
“I enjoy masturbating regularly using porn. But when I masturbate too often, it makes me feel less sexually interested in my partner. Does masturbation help or hinder my sexual desire?”
“My girlfriend is on antidepressants and rarely in the mood for sex. It’s beginning to take a toll on my confidence and libido. What can I do?”
“I had a baby 5 years ago, and had post-natal depression. Since then, my libido has never returned. I want to have more desire, but when it comes time for sex, I’ll make any excuse to get out of it. Please help.”
“My wife and I have been trying unsuccessfully to conceive for over 2 years. Over time, my interest in sex has declined and now occasionally, I struggle to perform. What can we do?”
Kristin and Sara provide practical tips around how to prioritise pleasure and eliminate the pressure around sex, in order to revive the libido. We also give people ideas around opening this difficult conversation with a partner in a compassionate, non-judgemental way.
Tune into this episode if you’re looking to break out of a dry spell or want practical tips for these everyday situations. It will help you get your mojo back!
JUICY BITS ON THE SHOW
02:10 - 08:04 Differences between a sex therapist and a sex coach
09:32 - 16:28 Getting the spark back in a marriage
16:29 - 21:44 The impact of porn on sexual desire
21:46 - 25:35 Dealing with a low libido in a partner
25:37-30:22 Reclaiming your sex life after having a baby
30:25-34:12 Maintaining sexual desire when trying to conceive
AUDIO GUIDE: WANT TO GET BETTER IN BED?
Download this FREE audio guide to get 3 critical strategies to help you creatively and confidently rock it between the sheets.
TIPS FOR BREAKING OUT OF A DRY SPELL
Take a Team Approach
Take the mindset of “us vs. the problem”. Tackle the issue by building bridges and working as a team.
Talk about it
Be honest with your partner. Talk about what each of you needs to feel sexual desire, and what is getting in the way.
Schedule Regular Date Nights
Carve out time in your busy schedules to reconnect, do something special and enjoy each other.
Explore Different Ways to Be Intimate
If full-on sex feels too pressurising, try an intimate massage, a spicy make-out session or even mutual masturbation.
Prioritize Self-Care
Engage in activities e.g. sleep, exercise, masturbation that help you feel like the calmest, happiest and healthiest version of yourself.
Try Something New
Break out of old patterns by changing your environment and introducing new activities, like role play or toys.
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM THE EPISODE
“Couples love to be friends with each other, but the erotic part can split off or can be avoided and the problem of not communicating what is happening in your disappointed sex life can become bigger and bigger. If it keeps going the eroticism will eventually go away and it will also cause problems in the relationship. It’s about how you can both work on this together”
“Anyone who is habituated to watching porn a lot, you’re getting used to certain stimuli, you get used to touching yourself in a certain way and that doesn’t always translate to partners. You get used to looking at certain things that may set you for some people's expectations of how certain things should be, and how people should look. You may compare your partner to that and realise their partner will never measure up.”
“Let’s normalise the feeling of wanting to feel desired by your partner. It is a way of building your confidence and it is a way of approving yourself to be sexual.”
“After being a little bit disconnected from your desire and libido, maybe it may be time for you to be more mindful with your touch and desire. Carve out time for self-care and self-pleasure to explore what kind of touch feels good again.”
“When you are trying to conceive a baby for a long time, such as 2 years, it is important to take a break. It is important to reset and reflect on the pressure that you are putting yourself under, and for your body to perform in certain ways, and in certain periods of time and that can be very stressful.”
OTHER GREAT REFERENCES YOU’LL LOVE
Promescent - Our sponsor for this episode. A sexual health company that makes a signature delay spray clinically proven to help men last longer in bed.
Reclaiming Female Sexual Desire | Pamela Joy | TEDxPaloAlto - Pamela’s talk hopes to inspire individuals and couples to find ways to renew and deepen desire and intimacy in their own relationships.
6 ways to get your sex drive back after having a baby - This article explores 6 ways of how to reduce your anxiety and the pressure to have sex after you just had a baby
So You’re In A Sex-Starved Marriage? Here’s How To Fix It - This article introduces you to some tips from a Marriage Therapist on how to communicate your long-term relationship issues that you may be experiencing in bed.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
How have you gotten your libido back after a dry spell? I’d love to hear from you!