5 Ways to Have Hot Sex Over Long Distance
BY SARA TANG, SEX COACH
WE LIVE IN A GLOBALISED WORLD WHERE YOU CAN CONCEIVABLY BE IN A LOVING, HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO LIVES FAR AWAY, OFTEN IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY.
With the help of cheap flights, business travel, online communities, and dating apps, we can meet someone on the other side of the world and maintain a relationship with them, despite the physical distance.
While even twenty years ago a long-distance relationship was a serious challenge, and most people wouldn’t have considered it a viable option, these types of relationships are now much more commonplace. In 2015, approximately 14 million people report themselves to be in a long-distance relationship, and that statistic is likely to have risen.
SEX IN THE TIME OF CORONAVIRUS
At the time of writing, the coronavirus pandemic has also forced much of the world into lockdown and isolation. Social distancing is the key to slowing the virus’s progress, but that means we have the potential to feel more alone than ever before. If our partners and lovers don’t live with us, it’s increasingly difficult – if not impossible – to enjoy physical intimacy with them.
Sometimes distance is unavoidable, but we need to find ways to stay connected and intimate with our lovers now more than ever. So, how can we keep the sexual heat turned up in our long-distance relationships – whether there’s a global pandemic raging or not?
Here are 5 sex coaching tips to keep things lively, fun and in sync from miles away.
1. Learn to Communicate Well and Often About Sex
The key to a healthy long-term relationship is great communication. You’ve got to master the art of regularly being in contact without getting upset if that person doesn’t respond to you right away. While you’ll likely want to message one another throughout the day, set up a time to call and talk that’s time exclusively for the two of you.
In this time you can talk about all the things you have on your mind, share memories, and fulfil each other’s emotional needs, but you can also explore your fantasies, sexual desires, and things that turn you on or off. This is an incredible way to get to know each other sexually.
This kind of deep sexual communication can often get you feeling hot and ready to go. So it’s probably a good time to brush up on those dirty talk skills too. Figuring our your intimacy language with the quiz below is a good first step. That way, it will keep your appetite high for one another until you can physically be together.
2. Mix and Match Your Sexy Communication Channels
There are plenty of different channels you can use to communicate, without just being limited to WhatsApp and Facetime. While you’re likely to have a go-to preferred digital messaging service, try mixing it up with voice messages, short videos, emails, and phone calls.
Don’t forget the old-fashioned forms too, as they can be incredibly sweet and romantic. Send a card, letter, gifts, sexy Polaroids, even handwritten erotic stories if you’re creative!
There are also apps like TouchNote which sends personalised postcards and Loklok for digital doodles which can mix things up and make your communication more fun.
Don’t be afraid to be a little silly and playful, maybe even send a few humorous gifs or memes. This can help to lighten the mood if your distance is caused by something like the current pandemic.
3. Make Turning Each Other On a Game
A long-distance relationship is a perfect time to get creative and find sexy new ways to be intimate. Whatever you choose to do, remember that the best sex - in person or remotely – always starts in the mind.
Try writing each other erotica and read it aloud, send lists of sexy instructions to follow, masturbate together, send the other person a link to porn they “have” to watch, or try watching it simultaneously.
If you like the idea of sending naughty photos or videos, then you could enjoy this game. Send teaser photos of parts of yourself (choose between more innocuous parts like the nape of your neck or the fold of your lip, and other more risqué) and get your lover to guess which body part.
If you are worried about your privacy or safety, take them without including your face and delete them from your device after. Or investigate in encrypted file-sharing services (like Signal) and messaging services that only last for 24-48hrs before being permanently deleted.
There’s also a few apps that could help. Kindu empowers couples to connect with each other by improving intimacy and exploring their desires, while Bliss – The Game for Lovers is a romantic game for couples with over 700 challenges.
4. Invest in Sex Toys – Designed Especially for Long Distance Relationships
With advances in technology, we now have sex toys that your partner can control from miles away. Is it as good as having your partner nearby? Probably not, but at least they can feel much more intimately involved in your sexual pleasure than ever before.
There are certain sex toys that are perfect for long-distance relationships made by brands like We-Vibe, Lovease and Lovense which come with a Bluetooth / WiFi connected app that allows one partner to control the toy remotely from anywhere in the world, and even lets them change the speed and vibration pattern.
There are also a special kind of interactive toys called teledildonics, like the Kiiroo Onyx and Pearl that use smart technology so both partners can experience remote sex with real feelings of touch at the same time. These are great for couples who want to have phone or video sex with one another, as it allows you to watch the action and feel it too.
5. Send Sexy Gifts and Resources
Sending sexy gifts and sharing resources is always a great thing to do. But if one or both of you are relatively isolated under lockdown or quarantine, then these can be especially welcome.
Send your partner some new lingerie or a roleplay outfit to model for you, buy an ethical porn subscription for the two of you so you can watch porn together, or simply share a playlist on Spotify you want to masturbate with them to.
If you or your partner are isolated with other people, finding private, intimate time together to be on voice and video call can be a challenge, so sharing podcasts about sex and relationships (like the Better in Bed podcast!) are great ways to share something together that can be listened to through earphones that you can later discuss.
USE DISTANCE AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO IMPROVE SEX
The key to keeping sex hot in a long-distance relationship, like any relationship, is time, effort and communication. Instead of focusing on the challenging aspects of long distance or self-isolation, think of this time as an opportunity to miss your partner, plan and anticipate the next time you’re together, and fan the flames of your libido.
Furthermore, use distance as an opportunity to experiment and explore new sexual experiences that we often never consider when physical sex is an option, but it will help you forge a better emotional connection with your lover.
When you do meet face-to-face, you might find that your sex life is much more exciting and hot than most couples who have physical sex regularly! And you’ll know that if you made it through this time, the both of you will have forged a stronger bond than before.
NEED EXTRA SUPPORT TO KEEP THINGS SIZZLING?
If you need a little help with your confidence, want to be a better lover over a long distance, or want to be better in bed the next time your partner is with you, working with a sex coach is the perfect way to open yourself up to new possibilities. If you’re interested in finding out more about how you can work with me, click here.
(Article first published in Sassy Hong Kong)