6 Ways to Keep Your Libido High In Lockdown
BY SARA TANG, SEX COACH
(Full Disclosure: This article contains sponsored links.)
Lockdown is a tough time for everybody, with restrictions on the things we normally take for granted. Need a bottle of milk and a loaf of bread? You’ll have to wear a face mask, remain two meters away from other shoppers, and go straight home.
If this wasn’t bad enough, your desire for sex has probably taken a hit. In a recent Kinsey Institute survey, as many of 44% of adults reported that their sex lives have declined since the beginning of the lockdown, and 30% of adults say the same of their romantic lives in general.
Let’s face it. You’re not getting as much intimacy as you want, and it’s making life twice as challenging.
After all, sex is an excellent stress-reliever and a fantastic way to bond with another person. Considering you’re cooped up all day long dealing with the uncertainty of the pandemic, we are all in serious need of blowing off some steam.
So, what can you do to solve the problem? How do you keep the lust and love alive while staying home? Continue reading to find out about six of the best tips that can help you keep your libido high and get better in bed.
DON’T STOP LOOKING
This one’s for the single men and women out there who haven’t gone on a date or meaningfully interacted with another person in months. And the message is - don’t stop looking!
The beauty of the "sexological" revolution is that you no longer need to hit up a bar or coffee shop to get a romantic love interest’s number. Check out OurDatingJourney.com or an app like Tinder, Bumble, and Grindr for you to meet potential partners.
Granted, you can’t act on it right away as the lockdown rules are still in place, and in some areas, they might come back with a vengeance. Nevertheless, you shouldn’t let this stop you from being creative and participating in a couple of e-dates and virtual liaisons since both are brilliant ways to bridge the gap.
A fun way to improve your sexy communication while online dating is to figure out your intimacy language with the quiz below, and send it to your date to compare results.
Once there is a break in the lockdown and you may want to take things to the next level romantically and sexually. Thanks to weeks of online dates, you will already be comfortable with this person and have established chemistry, so it is likely to shortcut the process if you choose to heat things up between the sheets.
BUBBLE WITH A BUDDY
For those who haven’t been actively dating during lockdown, you can always lean on an old flame or arrange with someone to be a “bubble buddy with benefits”. There are tons of names for them, but the semantics don’t matter.
What counts is that you use the rules to your advantage by making *ahem* a lockdown lover part of your social bubble. By doing this, you can have regular sex without worrying about spreading the virus or receiving a fine.
Of course, whether you decide to do this depends on your circumstances. For instance, you might not have seen your family for months, meaning you’re not willing to use your bubble powers frivolously.
On the flip side, your situation could mean that you are alone and don’t expect to see friends and family anytime soon. In this case, you might be open to using your bubble as a sexual haven to release your frustrations.
The decision is yours. Just make sure you understand the implications of adding people to your social bubble. Do it safely and choose wisely.
BREAK BORING ROUTINES
If you’re living with a partner right now and you’re seeing each other all the time, it can be challenging to create the space to desire each other and you could fall into a sexual rut. Regardless of how much you love spending time with each other, being locked down with your partner and having them in your space all the time can get monotonous pretty quickly.
After all, we are biologically hard-wired to look for novelty in our sexual encounters. It’s called the “Coolidge Effect” in animals.
So what does this mean? Are we destined to have mediocre sex for the rest of the lockdown? No. not if you’re willing to break the routine by trying new things in the boudoir. New research notes that one in five adults have improved their sex lives since the start of the pandemic by doing the following:
Having sex in a new position or location
Filming themselves having sex
Trying a sex toy
Sharing and acting on a sexual fantasy
Yes, something as simple as a new position could improve your lockdown sex life. This blog has ideas for positions to fit any situation.
BRING BACK DATE NIGHT
Your libido manifests itself in different ways, and it can’t be turned on and off just like the way you flick a light switch.
Sometimes you need to turn to something new and novel to get the ball rolling. Other times, you may have to indulge in a bunch of sensual self-care practices (like masturbation or fantasising) to boost your libido.
And one of the best strategies that helps to fan the flames of libido is to build anticipation. For many couples, this means date night.
Of course this is a strategy you can use during non-lockdown life. But it’s particularly powerful during self-isolation as there are fewer stimuli in your life. Setting aside time for a date adds structure to your time together as a couple and gives you something to look forward to.
Plus, you can give date night a twist. Momentphotography.ltd has incredible ideas, from making cocktails to cooking and listening to music, and since you’re home, you can take these to the next level by wearing no clothes.
In lockdown, no pants, no problems!
SPEND TIME APART
Spending time apart to reconnect sounds counterintuitive. But your libido needs space and the right context to emerge. Seeing as lockdown forces you to live on top of each other and you could sometimes be in small apartments, achieving “me time” can be tricky.
So try these tips. For the most part, it’s fine to leave the house to exercise or walk the dog. You want to do this alone as it’s the perfect chance to escape your home and your partner for an hour.
Alternatively, you should divide the house into different sections for you and your lover during the week. Say to them, “you take the upstairs today and I’ll have the downstairs” to manufacture a solo day.
Although companionship is essential for your mental health, so is having time to yourself for reflection and solo enjoyment. As a result, you should never feel guilty about requiring space from your partner in a balanced way as it’s a healthy sign.
INVEST IN MEANINGFUL POST-SEX INTERACTION
Does this sound familiar? You’ve spent ages building up to this pleasurable climax only to roll over and fall asleep when it’s all over.
However, studies show that couples who invest some time into what comes after sex, like cuddling, tend to lead longer, healthier, and happier relationships.
If you’re not a cuddly type of person, you don’t have to lie there uncomfortably. Instead, engage in some pillow talk. Tell your partner what you enjoyed the most about your sexual encounter or how you feel about them or what you’d like more of next time. And if that means planning your next sexual romp, then so be it! The key to having a more satisfying sex life is to communicate.
So whether you’re single, living with a partner, or living apart, there are ways to spark and satisfy your libido during the lockdown. We all just need to find strategies to adjust to the “new normal” and be proactive about keeping our sex and love lives fresh and exciting.
If your sex and love life needs more support during these challenging times, I’m here for you. I’m an experienced sex coach that helps both singles and couples get better in bed, and I created a free online training with strategies to “coronaproof” your relationship against stress and uncertainty. You can also find out more about working with me privately here.