How to Feel Sensually Empowered
BY NATALIE SOMMER, RELATIONSHIP AND INTIMACY COACH
Are you ready to fall in love with yourself and connect with the sensual woman within?
Feminine awareness can lead to deep and profound self-growth, allowing you to feel more empowered. But my experience is that in order to feel sensual, you have to focus on yourself in the most basic way.
When your needs are heard and understood, it creates safety and empathy, which can lead to you wanting to be intimate with others. So, if you’re ready to connect to your feminine essence and feel sensually empowered, here are some tips on how to get started.
Practice Self-Care
I feel we need to be constantly reminded to take care of our psychological needs in addition to our most basic physiological needs.
It’s easy to lose touch with your innermost being when you feel like you are constantly chasing your tail.
Do you have a simple self-care practice that allows you to relax fully, gives you pleasure and nurtures your whole being?
If you don’t, I encourage you to find something that is easy and will nurture your whole being. It’s essential that you do it regularly to stay connected to your feminine essence.
Simple practices to try at home
After having a shower, moisturize your body really slowly or give yourself a breast massage. A breast massage can be very soothing and calming and doesn’t have to be sexual. It’s also great for detoxing, plus it produces the love hormone oxytocin (which will leave you glowing from the inside out). It also helps lift and firm your breasts, and who doesn’t want that?
Try using a Yoni Egg. Doing some pelvic floor exercises with it can help you connect with your innermost sensual being.
Other great self-care practices include yoga, dance, and meditation, so sign up to a class and get involved.
Check out this 3-day Feminine Awareness Training by raw & rich. HERSpace will take you on a journey to support your greatest expression as a woman and teach you how to feel more joy and pleasure in all aspects of your life.
Feeling sensually empowered and fulfilled
As a woman, you may find yourself wanting to nurture and take care of everyone. But it’s easy to feel that you’re overextending yourself or that there aren’t enough hours in the day.
This can lead to losing focus on yourself and not feeling sensual. Women of today are no less interested in sex than men, but we can be less interested in the sex readily available to us.
There are any number of reasons why we can lose interest, including our daily routine, house chores, not feeling heard or not feeling truly in tune with ourselves.
Our desire flickers from the inside. This means that the pathway to pleasure is through our own eroticism and the way we feel.
We tend to think that our surroundings and the people that we are with are the ones to turn on our switch to pleasure. But it’s when we tap deep into our most inner being that we begin to feel truly connected.
When we allow ourselves to surrender fully, we let go, and the magic of epic sex happens! Most of us scream on the inside for more sensual pleasure and intimacy.
Check in with how sensually confident and empowered you’re feeling by taking the quiz below.
So how do we connect to our innermost sensual being?
We need to go on a path of self-discovery. Do you know how to turn on that switch that leads to pleasure? Do you know the turn offs that make you short circuit and disconnect from your lover?
If you’re ready to learn what it’s like to finally touch and be touched in a way that honors your desires, then take this quiz to discover your erotic love language.
Removing shame around sexuality and rewiring beliefs
Saddled with narrow ideas of sexuality, we suffer through unfulfilled sexual and emotional needs. Often, it’s our relationships that pay the price. Shame and past hurt tend to hold us back from stepping into our own sensual empowerment.
Our beliefs, along with previous sexual experiences are essential factors that can affect our current views about sex. Was sex something that never got talked about in your home? Were you told that it’s something dirty or wrong?
If there’s a little voice in the back of your mind telling you that your wishes are taboo or dirty or inappropriate, then it’s important to look at where that belief is coming from.
This will enable you to begin to rewire your thoughts and open yourself up to what you may have been craving all along. Sex is something to be enjoyed and to feel unapologetic about, so it should be guilt-free and pleasurable.
Polarity: The masculine & the feminine
It can be a little tricky to wrap your mind around this, so stay with me. We all have masculine and feminine energy inside us, regardless of gender.
It’s important that we switch between both to live loving, productive and inspiring lives. Let’s take look at this a bit more closely so you can understand what I mean:
Masculine energy: This is your DOING energy. You use it when you strive, plan and focus. It’s the energy that gets stuff done.
Feminine energy: This is your FEELING energy. It’s when you surrender, flow and feel. You become an embodiment of pleasure, love and beauty. This energy can also be quite wild, powerful and chaotic.
We feel at perfect harmony when we balance both energies within us.
How does this affect us and our relationships?
Although this isn’t always the case, generally one partner has a preferred energy. For women, it can be the feminine and for men the masculine. Again, this is not the case for everyone.
The good times usually happen when each person gets to spend most of the time in their preferred energy, because both people feel supported.
The feminine can bring more love into the relationship, and the masculine can bring safety and direction.
When both partners start to channel the same energy and there is no flow between the masculine and feminine, it leads to imbalances in the relationship and in the intimacy department and can cause a loss of connection.
We need polarity to create harmony and balance, and to keep the passion alive.
So how can we embody more feminine energy?
Well, it depends on you. What allows you to let go, relax and switch from doing to being? For some women, it means letting go of controlling every little thing.
Maybe you need more sensual pleasure. It could be as simple as letting your partner take charge sometimes and refusing to make all the decisions.
Ask yourself what fills you up and brings you joy and pleasure. That’s a great place to start. Why not get started with this now and move more into your feminine energy.
Allow yourself to soften (and to receive and empower your partner to be in their masculine), and see what changes. The same applies in a same-sex relationship. The key is to find the balance within yourself and also in the relationship.
Tantra and feminine awareness
Let’s talk Tantra and why it offers you nuggets of wisdom for the women of today and modern relationships. Basically, Tantra is a pathway that promotes living with awareness and mindfulness.
We often think of it as a way of practicing sex, but it’s also so much more. It’s about how you love, work and play in this world.
So, what can we take from this wise practice to help with feminine awareness and our relationships? Well, a lot. Here are some of its principles:
Loving all that is – It celebrates and welcomes the bad, the good, and the brilliant parts of life. It’s basically one big YES to life. The same goes when it comes to relationships. They are seen as a beautiful and divine union and even tough times should be viewed as an opportunity for growth, development and deeper connection. If one person goes through a challenging time, be there for them and accept all their flaws.
See sex as an opening to something more significant – Sex becomes more about deep loving, rather than just a quick fix of pleasure. Yes, the orgasms are amazing, but it’s also about the internal transformation that happens along the way. Tantra is so powerful because of its deeper connection with yourself, the other and the universe.
Reverence – Let’s talk about respect. When reverence flows freely in a relationship, it will change so many things: how we deal with conflict, respect boundaries, make time for one another, view the overall relationship and have sex. Why? Because it’s all seen as divine.
Tapping into your sensual feminine awareness is a continuous journey. We need to keep evolving and growing in the relationship we have with ourselves.
If it were all rainbows and sunshine, then we would get easily bored and never improve or challenge ourselves. Thus, self-love, acceptance and compassion are all important parts of the journey.
Nathalie Sommer is a Relationship and Intimacy Coach who works with singles and couples to create healthy and intimate relationships so they can feel confident and empowered in and out of bed.
Find out more about her intimacy work at www.nathaliesommer.com and book a 30 minute consultation to start owning your sensuality today.
(Article first published in Sassy Hong Kong)